Ever find yourself staring at a task that seems so simple, yet it feels like a mountain to climb?

You dread it and just can't get yourself to do it? If you can relate, you are not alone.

Many women with ADHD experience this dread, where tasks that should be routine suddenly seem overwhelming or even paralyzing.

For many of us, what you used to do without debate may becomes a battle to even begin.

What once felt easy, like taking a shower or brushing your teeth, can morph into a daunting list of steps.

You might wonder, "Why on earth is this so hard?!!"

The answer may be due to how your brain interprets the task. While some people breeze through their routines, those of us with ADHD may be aware of every little step involved, which can lead to task paralysis. Even the thought of doing the task makes you a bit frozen with overwhelm.

I remember a time when I would hop in the shower without a second thought. But after staying home so much during the Covid years, I began to dread taking a shower. Suddenly, it wasn't just about stepping in and coming out clean; it became a mental checklist of things to do before, during and after, thinking "Wouldn't it be easier not to get my hair wet and have to take all that time to get ready? Each of these steps felt heavy, leading me to avoid the shower altogether.

When you have ADHD, the steps in a task can seem much bigger than they might for someone else.
For example, taking a shower can look like this:

• Get out a towel (or two)

• Bring in clothes to put on after shower

• Turn on the water

• Take off clothes

• Wait till the water is hot

• Reach for the shampoo

• Shampoo hair

• Rinse hair

• Use Conditioner

• Let Conditioner sit

• Wash your body

• Shave (if needed)

• Rinse conditioner

• Step out of shower

• Dry off

• Put towel up to drive

• Get dressed

• Comb hair

• Dry hair (and maybe style hair, dry, use products, etc).

That’s just a simple routine, but for someone with ADHD, it can feel like a long, exhausting process.

This leads to the question: why do we dread these tasks that others handle with ease?

The task dread that is common with ADHD is not about laziness; it's about how the ADHD brain can interpret and react to tasks. You may feel alone if no one else talks about this. In one online discussion with over 100 comments, women shared all the simple tasks that were extremely challenging to do. Even considering standing to brush or floss felt like it would take too long or would be too much.

I bought a spin brush for better gum health, thinking it would simplify my routine. The only problem was the two-minute timer felt like an eternity, so I never wanted to use it. It felt like it was taking forever! So I just grabbed my regular toothbrush, which only took a few seconds.

Recognizing why a tasks feels monumental can help us approach them differently. Once I decided to not worry about using the spin brush for two whole minutes, it took the pressure off and I brushed till I felt like I'd done enough and that was much better than not doing it at all.

To tackle task dread, try a few of these strategies:

Music as Motivation:

• Create a playlist for your morning routine so tasks feel less daunting. The music can get your energy up, get you singing or even dancing a bit while you work, adding some fun in the process.

Lowering Expectations:

• If a full shower feels impossible, maybe just rinsing off can be enough for today. Sometimes, it’s about rethinking your goal and allowing yourself to do what you can manage. Once you get going, you might even do more, but if not, that's fine!

Body Doubling:

• Have a friend or family member do a similar task alongside you , even if you're not actually together. You can do a video call, letting each other know what you plant to do, then working together. You can share the experience and have the motivation and support of the other person there.

Accountability:

• If doing the task at the same time isn't pheasable, even having someone you share your goal with can help. Share your goal and commit to reporting back. It can be as simple as "I'm going to take a shower every day this week." Stating your goal, how long you will do it, and how you will return to report can give you a sense of commitment and support.

You may need to get creative and change up your routine. If grocery shopping seems overwhelming, grocery pick-up or delivery can help! Many grocery stores allow for online pick-up orders free of charge and often annual delivery fees aren't much more than the gas you'd spend driving to the store.

Having grocery delivery can make your life easier and can save you a ton of time.
Find what works for you and recognizing that it's okay to adapt your daily or weekly routine so your life will go more smoothly.

Notice when you're telling yourself you "should" do this or that. When we tell ourselves we "should" do something, it adds pressure. Instead, think about what you want to do, what you can do, and how you can make the task more enticing or fun to do.

For example, using a new body wash or adding a self-care treat to the process can make your shower more appealing.

It’s important to acknowledge the emotional aspect of task dread. Many women feel guilty for not meeting the expectations set by themselves or society. Remember, you’re not lazy, you have unique challenges because of the way your brain functions - it's harder for you to get going, but it's not impossible .

The key is to be kind to yourself and recognize that your experience is valid and there is hope.

So, next time you find yourself dreading a simple task, take a moment to break it down. Write out the steps, just choose one of them and find a way to make it more enjoyable and doable.

Remember that it’s okay to ask for help or adapt your routines. You’re doing your best, you're aware of the problem and you're doing what you can do.

Life with ADHD can be challenging, especially when you have a hard time doing simple tasks that others seem to do so easily. When you understand your unique ways and finding strategies that will work with your brain, you can navigate these challenges much more effectively. Give yourself some grace and know that you are not alone in this journey!

— Renee